Month: December 2015

My Little Bug.

A few months ago a tiny angel landed in my life. I truly believe with all my soul she was in the same place as I that day just so we would come across each other. Her name is sweet Emma Gene and she has been an absolute blessing to me.

I wasn’t sick growing up. I lived a normal childhood. I got to play and eat everything I wanted. I had absolutely no worries. The only time I was sick was when I got a cold from school. I was healthy.

My sweet Em hasn’t had that luxury that I didn’t even realize I had until a couple of months ago. Em was born with a genetic disorder, she’s had it her entire life. She was born a fighter.

Up until Em wandered into my life I didn’t really put things into perspective. I had a whole 14 years of healthy. I have spent so much time lately wondering what I would be doing if I was healthy, where I would be going to college what my plans would be. I have spent so much time wondering what life could be instead of realizing what life is the way it is now.

My little Em may not ever walk a day knowing what healthy feels like and while I might have forgotten the feeling- she never had it. I don’t say this because I want people to feel bad for Em- she doesn’t know any different life. I say this because I want people to realize the power and strength that has been born into this little girl. She was created with strength 10 times the amount some of us will ever have.

Emma Gene has shown me what it means to be happy and free in your own skin. Her smile (even though it’s missing some teeth at the moment) is one of pure happiness. I visited her last week after she had surgery and when I walked into her room she was SMILING. Yes smiling. Her mom texted me before she went in to let me know that she didn’t shed a single tear. Not only is Em full of strength she is so brave.

I don’t know what it’s like to have a child- something you created. I’m sure it’s unexplainable. I also don’t know what it’s like to have a sick child. I’m sure that’s unexplainable too. But if it’s anything like what I feel for this little girl it’s a little like this: the want to protect her from absolutely anything that might ever cause her pain or hurt in this world.

I think, well I’m almost positive I care so much about her because I know what it’s like to live as a teenager in a sick body. I am walking now the steps she will walk in the years to come. While they might not be the exact steps they are very much similar. I have this need to tell her it’s all going to be okay. To let her know that more than not she will question why but she will never truly know. To let her know that some days she won’t be able to bring herself to get out of bed and that’s okay. To let her know that everything she wants to do she will have to try 10 times harder than the healthy kids around her but that her reward will be so much better. To let her know that life is going to be hard for her, that’s just the plain simple truth but that she was born with an army behind her.

So little Em, when the day comes and you finally understand a little more know that I am always here. Know that when you feel as if nobody else understands, I’m here. Know that when you feel as if things won’t ever get better, I’m here. For now I will be your best friend and have toy parties with you and “the best day ever”. For now I will hold your hand and cuddle you when it hurts.

You have a long battle ahead of you but I have no doubt in my mind that the big guy up above picked the strongest little girl to sail his seas.

My little bug, this world is a better place with you in it, my world is a better place with you in it. May you always hold your head up high for you are stronger than anything ahead of you.