Month: August 2015

If you know me well then you know I hate yellow lights, they give me anxiety. That sounds silly but it’s true I never know wether to go or to stop. If you’re my ‘need for speed dad’ then he will tell you that you need to speed up so you can make it through, if you’re the ‘worlds sweetest driver’ aka my mom then she will tell you that you need to be cautious and come to a safe stop, and if you’re my friend Quinn then you will just sit in the passenger seat and laugh at me while holding on for dear life because you don’t know which parents advice I’m going to take. I realize lately that I make a lot of comparisons of my situations to other things, maybe it’s because POTS is very hard to understand if you don’t have it and it’s my way of trying to make sense. So buckle your seat belts because it’s time to take a road trip. I drive a jeep (her name is Fern) so this is going to be a real adventure. Fern will act as my body and I will be the driver.

I told you in my last post how I’m healing and well I’m still driving on that road but it seems I’ve hit a 4 way stop. There’s the road straight ahead to keep on going, there’s the road that make’s a U-turn and takes me back to where I’ve just come from, and then there’s a road that’s a dead end or if the road is how I’m feeling tonight then it’s one that takes you to the edge of a cliff that you drive off of and fall into an ocean filled with giant armadillo’s, what could be worse? (Okay maybe that was a little dramatic, but everyone has those days, am I right?)

So if you are me you decide to take the road straight ahead of you but before you know it you run into a yellow light and well you know now how much I don’t like them. My yellow light happened last week when the fire alarm went off at school and I found myself on the ground – so there was really no telling it was going to happen kind of like how you don’t know how quickly the light is going to turn red, but you have to keep on going because you’ve already started. So of course I picked myself off the ground and kept on with my day. (I would like to insert a shout out here to Keesh for catching my fall)

So as I picked up and recovered from my yellow light I continued on straight ahead, the road is pretty clear because I am a very planned person, I even have a GPS with me just in case. I don’t often run into unexpected situations on my trips, however sometimes when you think your road is just going straight it curves and has steep hills, those ones you drive over really fast when you like to feel your stomach fly up inside of you. My road decided to do that last night as the flashes of the cameras from my sweet cousins wedding decided to toss me on the floor. Thankfully I didn’t get a flat tire or anything and I was able to continue on my road, but man how inconvenient.

I’m usually a good driver though really, I must admit I do dance in my car and am not afraid to sing at the top of my lungs but I would say I navigate a good path. I take good care of my car and wash it regularly. (I may be lying a bit here as I can’t 100% honestly tell you my car is clean but we will just go with it.) I would like to think that in this situation the cops are the doctors in my life. Last week I had 2 cops pull me over and while I thought maybe they were going to give me a ticket for doing something wrong they just wanted to compliment my outfit. So in other words my doctors are proud with where I’m at and they also like my clothes. (WIN, WIN!)

So sometimes when I’m driving I forget to make a turn along the way or I get caught up with a yellow light or get stuck behind a very slow driver (THOSE ARE THE WORST) but it really is out of my control- for the most part. I have no control of the other drivers on the road or what road closings and construction zones will appear that day. However I can patiently dance and sing while I wait my turn to go. I think often we tend to try to rush our car and then we find that we’ve broken down along the way (which my jeep actually really did 2 weeks ago -__-) At the end of the day our cars are what we rely on to get us from place to place and when we don’t have them well that’s just pretty unfortunate.

I think I’m trying to say that this week I learned that even though I’m healing I am still going to have tough times along the way- that’s when your gas light comes on and says hold up girl you need to chill out. I encourage you to join me in driving while being more alert of our cars in our travels.

And since we are talking about cars today I must add that texting and driving is bad, you should never ever get behind the wheel intoxicated, and please don’t get in a strangers car even if they have candy. IT WAS LOVELY TRAVELING WITH YOU, SEE YOU SOON!

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My Soul Is Healing. 

Usually when I can’t sleep I roll around until I figure out the reason why. Tonight is one of those nights. They say your subconscious is thinking of things even when you aren’t. I guess my subconscious has been thinking hard about the anniversary of my diagnosis day that happened last week. I think I was so caught up with the start of senior year that I didn’t even stop to make the connection. That 2 years ago last week I was formally diagnosed with POTS.

It has to be a good thing that I didn’t make the connection right? I mean it’s not like it’s a date you mark on your calendar and celebrate every year like a birthday, HOORAH you get a debilitating chronic illness congratulations! Have a cupcake! If only…… I always say that this journey seems like it has lasted SO much longer than it has because my goodness it feels like it has been dragging on forever, but I can finally begin to say that my soul is healing.

Let me be clear that my soul and body are two different things, at least  in my opinion. While my body still does struggle I am getting stronger every day. But my soul, well it’s been hurt for a very long 2 and 1/2 years. I always stress the fact that acceptance is something you never truly do gain when you’re suddenly handed that packaged present of a chronic illness. I tell myself all the time that I have accepted my reality and then find myself torn apart a week later when another part of the reality hits me. So I have not accepted fully what I have been handed but I am learning the journey everyday and my soul is healing.

I wake up in the morning and I look in the mirror and I see a strong girl not a weak and frail sick girl. I drive myself to school and I sing in the car at the top of my lungs and I don’t unload my wheelchair from my moms car and place myself in it. I walk the halls and talk with my friends and I don’t quietly seclude myself from others. I am confident in going out into the world and exploring and I don’t stay in my bed. While some of these things aren’t the easiest I still push myself to accomplish them and 2 years ago I wouldn’t have. My soul is healing.

They say when you become sick you lose a part of yourself and it never returns. I can definitely say I lost that part of myself and it probably won’t return but I’m excited to fill the hole with the new side of things. While yes, before you ask I do still have POTS and do still take my medications and I am getting better. They say anyone can take the medicine but without the mind and soul to fight the beast as well then the medicine does nothing. I’m fighting the beast too and now my soul is healing.

I’m excited to do life without introducing myself to everyone as the sick girl and while it’s scary and new I know it’s important. I’m excited to continue to advocate and impact the ways chronic illnesses are viewed and treated by others. I’m excited to adventure as someone without limitations. My soul is healing and it feels so good for once.

So I won’t celebrate my diagnosis day but I will acknowledge it as something that has made me stronger. I will recognize it as a turning point for who I am as a person. I will celebrate everyone that has helped get me to this point because there have been countless days where I never imagined it possible. Mind, Body, and Soul. Mind, Body, and Soul. They all can heal.  

PearlsByPowe for POTS.

I’m super excited to finally be able to share with you all an awesome project I’ve been trying to keep a secret the past few weeks. I can finally introduce to you ‘PearlsByPowe for POTS’! I have teamed up with Elizabeth Powe who runs a shop called PearlsByPowe and together we have come up with a beautiful freshwater pearl necklace, but here’s the awesome part: for every necklace bought a portion of the cost will go to Dysautonomia International to raise money for research for autonomic disorders like POTS! This necklace has 2 peacock pearls and one white pearl and it is strung together on a dark brown leather cord. The necklace is $25 and will be available throughout the entire MONTH of August! Wether you have a form of Dysautonomia or not we would love for you to rock this necklace!  Elizabeth will be a freshman at Ole Miss and is such a sweet girl. I’m so honored and excited to share this month with you and her! And just to make things a little more exciting stay tuned later this month for a POTS bracelet to be released as well! If you are interested in ordering the PearlsByPowe for POTS necklace you can send an email to pearlsbypowe@gmail.com with the subject PearlsByPowe for POTS necklace! We will also be using the hashtag #PearlsByPoweForPOTS throughout the month and would love to see your pictures with your necklace when you get yours! Here’s to a pearl-fecf month! (: You can find Elizabeth on instagram at @pearls_by_powe and myself at @meridethkathryn

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