Taking the extra step.

So we meet again, as I promised after my week away I would keep in touch with you all shortly after. So as I experienced the best week of my life I can only hope you all didn’t miss me too much. As I stepped foot on the bus last week my body instantly filled with panic and anxiety, I was about to relive a week in which sent me tumbling into my worst nightmare last year. As I shortly summed up in my last post this time last year was when I really began to get sick, after that everything started to unfold eventually leading me here to starting a blog. So as you can imagine stepping foot on that bus was well…..terrifying to put it shortly. I said a quick prayer and jumped on knowing that I would be 8 hours away from all of my doctors, pharmacies, and anything else I might need but I also knew in my heart that it would be okay because I was surrounded by this amazing love and I shared this passion for God with so many others and in that moment that was all I needed to re-assure me. I definitely underestimated how hard it would be for me to get through this week I had ahead of me, physically, mentally, and emotionally. As I got off the bus onto the beautiful camp I was about to meet again with this overwhelming happiness flooded my body, it was actually happening, I was actually here again and this time I was so much healthier than I was before. Let me stop for a second and just say that yes I am not completely healthy and yes I am still “sick” but taking my body now compared to where I was in this very place last year I am SO much better and on the track to someday being HEALTHY once again. So as we began our first day of the best week of my life the tears started to flow as I quickly realized even though I am healthier I am not the same as everyone else so a lot of what I do will have to be living through others happiness. Hard to comprehend at the beginning, yes because more than anything did I want to be in the fun with everyone else 100% but as the week went on I was able to accept what was placed in my life more and more. Seeing the smiles on others faces and understanding the greatness they were experiencing took away all of the pain, it was indescribable. Even though I wasn’t the one on the tube or in the air it didn’t matter because I was so overflowing with joy sitting on the ground watching that it made it all worth it. Let me say again that I did get to experience and participate in things as well, I was not a rock on the ground the entire week. As you all know or may not know I am the “do all do everything” type so I was able to participate, just not in everything all the time. As I realized very quickly I was surrounded by people who knew nothing about me, this is a very uncomfortable thing for me as over the past year I have had to learn to rely on others to make it through and these others I was now surrounded by knew nothing about me. It was scary and strange I haven’t really opened up to meet knew people at all since I’ve been “sick”. I’ve been very comfortable staying at home with people who know how to be around me. But as life goes on we meet new people everyday. Some relationships end so that others may begin. I have always said the hello and given the friendly smile but never more than that because that meant I would eventually have to introduce myself as the “sick” girl and that’s something I like to not do. To sum it up over the past week I probably shortened the last year of my life and my story dozens of times. I introduced myself as the sick girl dozens of times. What I am trying to get at here is that it is scary to let go and completely be yourself around others. It is hard to open up with your struggles and burdens because we are always afraid of being judged or seen differently as others. I would like to introduce myself as Merideth and leave out the fact that I struggle with chronic illnesses but that would be sugar coating my life and that’s not how we are meant or designed or created to be. You see I learned this past week that you and I are “Tov Meod” we are the best of the best of the very very best. I was created to be Merideth and I have struggles. My struggles might not present themselves the way that others do but I have learned to embrace every fall that I take and every obstacle I go through. I met some of the most amazing people last week, I formed indescribable bonds with people and I opened up with so many and none of that would have been possible had I stayed in the mind set of fearing to open up to others because they would judge me for what I’ve gone through. Had I not taken that step on the bus which very likely could have happened, had I decided that I was too sick to go or that it would be too uncomfortable for me to do. Wether you’re the “sick girl” or not I challenge you to open up to others with your struggles, to not be afraid to ask others for help, to in fact lean on them for advice because it is then that you will form some of the most amazing bonds with others. I also challenge you to step out of the comfort of your own body and I know that’s so much easier said than done but it is when we put our fears in the hands of God and others and we decided to make the extra step some of the most amazing things unfold in front of our eyes. I want to thank each and everyone of you for believing in me as it is your encouragement that has kept me going and a special and huge thank you to the humans I met this past week that did not judge or define me by my struggles but instead embraced me and challenged me to take the extra step. -Your friend Merideth

3 comments

  1. and right beside you were the first days of God’s creation before he created you. The reminders of what the beauty that beholds in this great Earth. All here and there surrounding you and comforting you as you prepared to let go of what is and was not you…. Soar high and above all that is meant to be your Tov Meod beautiful one…look not back upon the pebbles, rocks and stones that drug you below that line ever. Love you forever and ever, Momma

  2. Dear Meri,
    We all have talents and gifts, some can hang on a rope or go tubing etc. It’s fun to be physical at times, however you are “one of a kind” and your talents far exceed the rope jumpers. You are so blessed my little one, with Faith, Intelligence, Artistic ability and a Mom that adores you and cares more for you than the world itself. You have a big family that supports you and all of your dreams. Your Physical abilities will return, but Thank God you are still a mental athlete and able to out smart 94% of the population .I think.
    Gram

  3. God Bless you, Meredith! Keep the faith and know others are pulling for you. These trials so early in your life will build your faith and grow it to an indestructible strength! You have a beautiful soul and smile so keep that smile on your face and smile at yourself while you are smiling at others! Stay confident because with faith and help from your family, friends, and God above you can move mountains no matter what your disability or daily challenges! Go girl!

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