2013 was a blessing, a rough blessing indeed.

As I wrote this blog and then re-wrote it I realized just how hard it was for me to physically put it all into words.  The first time I wrote this I found myself typing out a month by month overview of my year medically and then read it and realized that wasn’t what I wanted to say at all. If I tried to sum 2013 up I guess you could say it really just wasn’t my year but you could also say it was a year full of little tiny miracles I will cherish forever. If I’ve learned anything this year it would be that “tomorrow is always a new day” and “be careful what you take for granted”. I can easily say that this time last year I NEVER expected I would be sitting here 1. typing a blog 2. with a chronic illness and 3. just how blessed I truly am. I’ve never been one to rely on others but this year taught me that family, friends, and most importantly a good relationship with God are such a necessity in being able to keep strong. I can’t say this year hasn’t been rough or that I haven’t wanted to give up because quite frankly I’d be one of the biggest liars. After being told for 3 months that I had an illness that was all in my brain, and a total of 6 months undiagnosed there most likely wasn’t a day when I wasn’t frustrated or felt defeated, but I truly believe those 3 things Family, Friends, and God are what kept me going. I have to say I’ve been blessed with so much this year but Dr. Moodley from the Cleveland Clinic has got to be one of the biggest blessings. When all other doctors failed to diagnose me with something, Dr.Moddley came along and turned things around. He gave my family and I hope and provided us with comfort that I did in fact have a chronic illness that wasn’t in my brain and was indeed real and fixable. To my family and I he is a true saint. I say it all the time that I believe prayers can do far more than any medicine will ever be able to so I must also include that I am blessed with all of you amazing people who have prayed for me and sent letters, care packages, etc. it means so much. I think the hardest part about writing this blog post is the realization that this is my life now, and it’s something I have to accept. For so long I tried to push it out of the way, pretend it didn’t exist, and run away from all the feelings that came along with it. I think thats what was the hardest, learning to accept it, to make the most out of it, and to keep on going. I value the most in people their ability to make the most out of what they have. 2013 wasn’t easy and I laugh at myself as I sit here typing this with tears running down my face. It wasn’t easy but I got through it and in the end that’s all that matters. Not necessarily how we accomplished it but rather that we made it through and learned something along the way. I will never be able to fully explain to you what this year was for me because it was so much; it was beautiful, it was heartbreaking, it was happy, it was sad, it was funny, it was lonely, it was loud, and it was quiet, but in the end it was a blessing. I say all the time I wouldn’t trade my illness for the world and at times I look myself in the mirror and think what are you talking about you would give anything to be healthy, but then I think again and realize I’m happy where I am. I’ve met some of the utmost strongest people, I’ve learned so many things about living, and I’ve realized what it meant to become strong.  POTS is something that will never define me but it’s something that will have always impacted me today. Thank you to absolutely everyone who has built me up, and been there for me this year I love and will forever be thankful for all of you. 

2 comments

  1. Oh Meri,
    You are such a blessing, you’ve taught me how a little one like you can have such insight into herself. I would take this illness away from you in an instant and ask God to give it to me. You are way too young, your life is just beginning and you are so calm about your trouble, you are truly a blessed child. It is said that the Lord doesn’t give us more than we can handle and you are handling this so gracefully.
    Gram

  2. Meredith, I have just found your blog, and I think we’re something of kindred spirits. I, too, have POTS, and 2013 has been really hard for me, as we were searching for a diagnosis much of the year. We finally found POTS after I fainted while doing a theater production (though I’d been fainting for a while, before that) and ended up in the ER. I am really encouraged by your post, and thought I’d let you know how much I appreciated it. I have a blog, also, over at http://walk-in-the-rain-with-me.blogspot.com/

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